Shrawan Raina
Engineer, Corporate Slave, Dreamer
To the desk of:
You’re Majesty
Sonia Gandhi
Indian Politician, Queen of India, Waitress
Ma’am
I hear that you are visiting the flood hit areas of Assam in your government funded helicopter. I always dream of having a trip in one of those wonders; but never have had the opportunity. It must be exciting looking down upon people from above, cool breeze caressing your hair, homeless victims holding their hands up from the muddy water gushing their body; making you feel like GOD. I wish I could be that lucky.
The reason I am writing this letter to you is because I am letting you in on a secret I have learned from the eastern folks. I am sorry I cannot say their names out loud I might be subpoenaed or worse fined 5000 bucks as per rules. Ha! But yes, the police–man will ask for at least 200 to let me go, so we will call them ‘The Ghosts’. India is a magnificent country; just look at the beauty of corruption, a few Gandhian notes and you can get away with anything. Can you get such excellent service in any other country? Naah! Coming to the point, you must be feeling very proud today seeing India emerge as the next consultancy giant; well truth be told there is a secret entrepreneurial business these ghosts are running I tell you and it is eating out your so called IT industry 10 pieces per plate. Well yes, in every nook of the city especially around IT industries you have so proudly set up in the special economic zones, paying too little attention to the people working in these industries; no concern if they have to travel hours to get food, if they have to live in cramped up space paying too much rent.
HELL!! The whole of India is cramped up, who am I to complain?
You might not see it at first but with a keen eye you sure will not miss. There you see now, these little yellow people, humble as a cow, never asking for a lose 5 rupee, smiling and their little eyes shining, as if saying “You have no idea what shit you are eating. Ha!” There also you see herds of tired, hungry people in line waiting for their 10 pieces of god-knows-what nicely wrapped in a creamy white plastic. I know it’s not the staple diet of our country but what choice have you given them, I mean you have set them up farthest from civilization. These hungry minds, I tell you, are like dogs, scooping anything they get to its bone. They have to because they have themselves been stripped to their bones. These tired hopeless fellas, they have it all: i-phones, androids, i-mac, cars, a paunch, weak eyes, baldness, home loans, tax payments, car loans, all of it. Yet they are not happy. I pity them for their misery. Why you ask me my majesty? I will tell you, for instance, they pay EMI for a flat in which they live for 8 hours a day, oh! Let me do the math here, its 8*4=32 hours a week and this comes around 32*52= umm, let me get my calculator, aaah! 70 days a year. Do you know how much they pay for it; I cannot give you a correct figure because they are still paying.
Now, your majesty you would know how easy it is to tame these poor fellas. Anybody, I mean anybody, even a waitress from the other side, can come here and put this country under their thumb. You want to know why they are being tamed; yes today you are going to learn that secret from me. It is because every time momo bhaiya greases our 10 pieces of chicken (mind it they sell it for only 30 bucks. Chicken for 30 bucks! Any Indian would go crazy!) With greasier curries from the east we melt. We melt so fast and not because of the summer your majesty; we melt because this greasier SHIT seems delicious than what we are being fed in this country. I’m sorry your majesty but your royal arse is giving the same SHIT to people in Assam right now. Truth be told, we are being ruled because these ghosts and others of the like know our secret; they know that we can be ruled, that we can be made to eat CRAP all day. It is all over the news channel, radio channel CRAP is what we are fed every single day and they know this very well and they don’t want to remove this CRAP from our diet. They will not change anything. Why would they? They are winning. Back in their country they are nothing, a wandered, murderer! Who knows, waitresses, you would know my majesty, but here they are ruling. That is ‘The Momo Effect’, when something changes so suddenly for your good even if it means eating CRAP for somebody else, but for you it is ‘The Momo Effect’.
Regards
Shrawan Raina
An ardent momo eater!
